Tuesday, July 31, 2007

And The Worst New Father Award Goes To…

Okay, maybe I’m not the worst new dad; after all, a simple search for ‘toddler’ or ‘infant’ on news.google.com yields a plethora of fathers WAY ahead of me in the Worst Father polls.

But at the time, it didn’t feel way.

Let me just say that I have been cutting my fingernails and toenails for decades. In a pinch, I’ll even cut the dog’s nails. So, disillusioned me, I thought cutting Squeak’s nails would be no big deal.


First, the kiddie nail clippers… they put them in these oversized plastic grip thingies to make you think they’re smaller. But don’t be fooled! They are just about normal sized; they’re big enough to cut my nails.

Second, could her nails be any smaller?!?

Third, watch out! When fingernail clippers are new, they are sharp.

Fourth, every pair of baby nail clippers needs to come with a jeweler’s loupe so you can better manage the teeny, tiny baby nails.

Finally, while there wasn’t a piece of hanging skin, an over-clipped end section of nail or even a speck of blood… the way she wailed, you’d think I’d lopped off her entire finger.

The look in her eyes told me I’d broken a bond of trust with her that, like Humpty Dumpty, could never be put back together again.

I guess it could be worse; I could be the person that has to give The Squeaker her shots.