Hello? I’m the New Dad, Need the Info.

Normally, I like this blog to be witty & fair succinct. Not necessarily pithy, but close to it with only a little bit misdirection and/or misleading information.

But I seemed to have high-centered on an item and I need some advice in order to make the best possible decision.

As we wrap up the pregnancy, making our curtain call as it were, P.Pie and I have been looking at nannies and/or daycare services that handle infants. And I’m feeling like the local idiot at an Algonquin Round Table discussion.

Don’t misunderstand; I can bluster up enough bravado to look like I know what I’m talking about. I’ve written copy for a diverse group of companies about things that I have little or no prior knowledge of.

I can BS like a pro.

You want to engage me in a conversation on the inevitable move from hard drives to flash drive based memory? I read an article in Wired about it last month.

Want to argue the finer points of the global effects of local economics? I read The Atlantic (at the dentist’s office).

What’s the latest haps on CSI? No problem.

The state of lo-fi rock? Sure.

I can muddle my way through lots of things.

But hiring a nanny/daycare for my flesh and blood seems to be out of my sphere of knowledge.

I don’t know where to begin. All I know are the horrible things I see on salacious TV newsrags like Dateline/48 Hours/ 20/20.

In my nightmares dreams, my nanny interviews go something like this –

“So, Ms. Nanny, I reviewed you’re resume and I see that you recently left your last family.” Of course the nanny recognizes that a) this isn’t a question, and b) I might an idiot.

But if I am an idiot, then I’m a dangerous idiot.

So I change tacks and try to force a confession out of her. “Have you been cleared of the abuse charges?!”

At this point P.Pie takes over the interview process and I continue to babble dialogue from my internal private detective movie in a poor imitation of Woody Allen doing a poor imitation of Humphrey Bogart.

Wisely, they both just ignore me.

Secretly, I think they both feel sorry for the twins.

So it comes down to this – other than asking them if they’ve stopped beating children, I don’t know what else to ask.

Any suggestions? And what’s a fair price for twins – an arm and a leg?