Thursday, November 02, 2006

You Can’t Be A Parent, You Haven’t Had Any Classes, Part I

Apparently in this day and age, parenting classes are all the rage.

In fact I’m a little worried that when it’s time to take the twins home, I’m going to need to show proof of education.

At first blush, it doesn’t sound like a half bad idea. How many times have you turned on the TV or opened the paper to find a child neglect story?

But anytime a bureaucracy gets involved in daily life, it just doesn’t turn out well

It might look a little something like this (this is a two part story) –

The roller bearings of the rust-spotted, hospital issued, wheelchair came to a creaky stop at the far side of the linoleumed hall.

“Slowly, slowly,” P.Pie whispered, clutching two small swaddles of cloth close to her body. The two swaddles, having only recently separated from their home of 37 weeks, stirred slightly. P.Pie knew instinctively that they would continue to sleep. They were still tired from the move.

The main lobby was a boiling cauldron of undistinguished activity. People coming and going; people crying, people laughing. The front desk candy striper had her back to the hallway as the charge nurse and two interns sipped coffee at the nurse’s station.

Best of all, no EP.

The Education Patrol was responsible for checking that all new parents had completed their pre-birth educational series. No paperwork, no babies.

It’s all spelled out in article IV, Section 2a-4f.

Article IV clearly states, “The babies would be held by the all-knowing, all-caring Department of Child Betterment until said classes were completed. If said classes are not finished within a predetermined amount of time, the children would be permanently forfeited.