Monday, September 18, 2006

North or South? Up or Down? Oh, Baby...

A few posts back, I mentioned that when we were trying to get pregnant, every show on every channel featured a character that was pregnant.

Now shows are all about births.

Well that’s not really true. But, the Discovery network has created an entire channel that seems dedicated to births. Specifically, I mean Discovery Health Channel. They’ve got programs like Multiple Miracles, Maternity Ward, and Conception to Birth.

Alright. Three shows do not a channel make… but still. I am constantly surfing past those shows and I’m always getting sucked in. The last one was Conception to Birth, where they follow four people who are trying to get pregnant. Of course, they all get pregnant but one of them miscarries in the fifth week. That particular part shook me up a little.

We have successfully moved into the second trimester and the rate of miscarriages drops quite a bit, but I still worry about it.

Yeah, so... Towards the end of the show, they show the births of the three babies. And when I say they show the birth, I mean they show the birth. No blurring, no pixilating, no nothing. What the porn industry might call ‘a money shot’ (as opposed to THE money shot, which is something else. Not that I know personally, you understand, strictly word-of-mouth. From a friend of a friend. Of a friend). This then raises an interesting question –

Am I a north or a south facing kind of husband? That is, as ½ of the parenting team and as the birthing coach, which way do I face?

What’s the proper etiquette? Facing the soon-to-be mother of your children, showing your support and love, or do you watch the miracle of birth; your flesh-and-blood entering the world?

I could be magnanimous here and say that I’ll make that call when it’s time, but that would be a lie.

The truth of the matter is, I don’t want to watch.

Don’t get me wrong; I want to be in the birthing room. I want to shout BREATH!, BREATH!, BREATH! at the top of my lungs. I want to be Mr. Supportive and show my love and affection for my wife as well as my future children and the entire family line. I even want to cut the umbilical cords (and save the blood, but more about that later).

But I do not want to watch them come out. Sorry, I’m a little squeamish about things like that.

I know, I know… I will probably see most of it anyway.

It’s like cutting you finger really bad – you know, you're dicing tomatoes faster than the dicing speed limit allows and *WHAM* you hit your middle finger and knife goes straight to the bone. Suddenly, you’re screaming – in a manly way, of course – and pointing your middle finger at your wife. Which she takes as a personal insult; go figure.

Anyhoo, you wind up having to look at the finger, if for no other reason than to make sure you didn’t cut it off completely.

Am I a tool for feeling that way? I don’t think so, but let me know what you think.