Thursday, March 08, 2007

The Future of How About Two?

The question has been raised – more than once – about the future of How About Two?.

And it’s a fair question.

I had briefly considered giving up the blog, believing it would be too painful to dredge up the things that have gone on in the last two weeks (god, can you believe it’s only been two weeks?).

But after some serious contemplation, I realized that is wrong. If Doss’s memory is to live on, I need to revel into.

I need to share stories with Jorja (and the world); share them to the point where Jorja – at the ripe old age of 13 – says, “Dad! We know, we know… Doss was (insert appropriate story here).”

So the blog will continue, but I wonder if I should change the name?
Not something completely different… after all, I’ve built a miniscule brand with How About Two?. I’m thinking something like…How About Two’s…Growing Up with Daddy.

Or maybe, Raising Daddy.

Or something like that.

Any thoughts? Any suggestions?

A quick change of topic - here’s a pic of Jorja, not wanting her picture taken…

Two weeks old and already she’s being hounded by the paparazzi.


Blogger Jules said...

I like Raising Daddy...and I definitely think you should keep up the blog if you feel up to it. I have enjoyed reading these past few months.

Hoping the service was a nice one.

HUGGS from NC.

3/08/2007 8:38 PM  
Blogger Jules said...

I posted previously I hope the service WAS nice, forgot it was Sat. Will be thinking of you all and sweet Jorja Rail & Doss.

3/08/2007 8:39 PM  
Anonymous Mike said...

I'm glad to hear that you are sticking around the blog. You are a good writer and I look forward to keeping track of you and the family.

Great picture by the way. Reminds me that I need to find my Ghetto Hawkeye picture of the kids.

3/08/2007 9:05 PM  
Blogger Misa Gracie said...

Jorja is lucky to have you for a father - best wishes to you all.

ps I think the name of the blog should remain as it is.

3/08/2007 9:29 PM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

Raising Dad is good, but I like your original title. You have two children, one is here and one is no longer with you on this earth. And Jorja has a brother. As you move forward on this journey, you will meet people who will ask you, "So, are you going to try for a boy?" or "When are you going to give your daughter a brother or a sister?" and other such completely insensitive comments that strangers make in the grocery store or in line at the post office. You are always going to be dealing with the fact that you have two children, but one is not here. His presence will always be with your family, so I say the name of your blog is still very appropriate. Our thoughts will be with you on Saturday.

3/08/2007 9:38 PM  
Blogger Darren a/k/a Clare's Dad said...

It's amazing that you're even thinking about the blog right now. I'm glad you're sticking with it though.

For what it's worth, I think you should keep How About Two? in the title. You're still the father of two.

3/08/2007 9:41 PM  
Blogger honglien123 said...

I like How About Two?. You will never forget Doss, and neither will we. Thank you for even thinking about continuing to blog.

3/08/2007 10:54 PM  
Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

Good for your for keeping the blog. You are stronger than I could ever be. I admire that. I like Raising Daddy. That's my vote.

3/09/2007 12:10 AM  
Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

You are remarkably strong, resilient. I admire you for soldiering on with the blog. My vote is for Raising Daddy because children will teach you far more than you could ever teach them.

3/09/2007 12:11 AM  
Anonymous AdventureDad said...

Maybe the blog could be a place to share some of your grief, frustrations, and tell us more about what you're going though. Or you might just see it as a giant pain in the butt. Depnds on what kind of a person you are.

I think the name should remain as it is as a memory to Doss. You are after all the father of two babies.

Regards from Sweden


3/09/2007 4:48 AM  
Anonymous Kaz said...

Dude, you'll be glad you keep doing the blog. Kids kill brain cells, and you'll find your memory ain't what it used to be.

The blog will be a great way to preserve some of those memories (and an easier way to share them with family).

Ms. Kaz probably checks my blog every week or 2 (or 3, or sometimes 4). Inevitably, she'll chuckle and say, "I forgot about that!"

3/09/2007 4:50 AM  
Anonymous Anta said...

WOW. I have only just started reading this blog (have read from when your 2 little ones were born) and I think "WOW" it's amazing the things that the human spirit can endure - things we probably did not ever imagine we could get through before. I'm extremely sorry for your loss, yet touched by your ability and willingness to share it with us all, during such a trying time. My commendations for your strength of spirit. My love goes out to all your family.
As for your blog's title, I think you should leave it the way it is. I think the explanation for this is rather simple. The other "half" of the equation, that "2", even though not here with you in person, has and will always have an effect on you, on the way you NOW perceive the world and consequently, on the things you write in your blog. Looking at the picture of your little Doss clutching your finger with all his might in his crib, I couldn't help but think that that moment can NEVER be erased in your memory, and so it shouldn't need to be erased in your blog's title. It's a part of you, something that has changed you forever, and so, should be honoured, even in things as trivial as a blog title.

Again, my thoughts are with you, your wife and your little ones.

3/09/2007 6:11 AM  
Anonymous Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Blogs are cathartic. I think you should keep it. Plus, we need Jorja updates and pictures.

3/09/2007 6:31 AM  
Anonymous joan e sweere said...

Keep the blog going! It is the first thing I read EVERY morning to start my day. I prefer "Raising Daddy" as that title will also honor Doss....he has contributed more than anyone realizes in already influencing his parents. Rob, your words always touch my heart and soul....keep it up and keep us informed on Jorja's progress AND the progress of her thoughts and prayers are with you!


3/09/2007 6:59 AM  
Blogger Gidge said...


She doesn't want the paparazzi hassling her in this stressful time, clearly.

I hope you find the way to blog that will let us all follow Jorja as she grows up. Many of us can't wait to see her as she grows.

3/09/2007 8:00 AM  
Blogger Bon said...

i think people have made great points on either side of the blog title equation...i too wondered if you were going to keep going, and am glad you are. as for what you call it...i think only you can really answer that. it depends on which you think will hurt you more right now...focusing on the two, and being reminded of the absence, or trying to move on and forward.

my guess is Doss is with you - in your mind and heart - all the time right now, and will be for some time to come. so i just want to say that it's okay to keep the "how about two?" title...that it's fitting, and not morbid, and that it honours Doss AND Jorja and all that good stuff. maybe you already knew that. but i remember, when my grief was fresh and raw, that i didn't...that i thought i kinda had to either move along and be okay, or focus on the grief. i didn't know i could do both, particularly publicly. so let me just say, you can. it's okay. and you don't have to BE okay, when you write. we can take it.

will be thinking of Doss and all of you tomorrow.

3/09/2007 11:43 AM  
Blogger soleclaw said...

This is my first visit here. My heart is breaking for you. I'm sending healing thoughts your way through this trying time.

3/09/2007 3:57 PM  
Blogger rake96 said...

I just started reading your blog and I'm so very sorry for all that you're going through. I know loss all too well but not the loss of a child. I imagine that it's a unique kind of hell. You are in my thoughts as you begin this journey of joy with Jorja and the journey of loss about Doss. I'm sure he gave you his own brand of immense joy while he was here.

I like both of your choices for the blog title and thought of a third - One In My Arms, Two In My Heart.

Deep breaths tomorrow. Know that you are loved and supported by family, friends and even complete strangers.

Rachel E.

3/09/2007 7:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found you through MetroDad and would like to offer my deepest condolences for your loss. No words can take the pain away.

Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!!! Your son was beautiful, too (his memory will remain beautiful as well!).

I vote for Raising Daddy.

My thoughts will be with you and your family tomorrow.

3/09/2007 7:12 PM  
Blogger Steve said...

I love Raising Daddy as well. It's a great choice.

Yeah, blogs are one of the best things going these days. It helps crystallize your thoughts and it's an amazingly tight group of friends.

3/09/2007 7:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about "Raising Daughter, Rising Son"? Doss will always be with you and Jorja will have a special guardian.

3/09/2007 7:51 PM  
Blogger stepmomof2 said...

Hi, I stumbled upon your blog from a link on someone else's. I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. Your daughter is simply beautiful. I will pray that God will give you a sense of peace knowing that her brother is safe in His arm and also will give you the strength to be the dad He intended you to be.

3/09/2007 8:14 PM  
Blogger Becky said...

I like blending the old with the new, How About Two ... Raising Daddy. Whatever you decide, please stick around.

3/09/2007 8:37 PM  
Blogger Rob & Jacque said...

Hi Rob and P.Pie,
We are deeply moved by your story so far of your precious, precious babies and do know of some of the heartache you are experiencing. We lost our own twin baby girls through miscarriage at 22 weeks of gestation. We feel for you deeply in this difficult and bittersweet time as you feel the pain of losing Doss but the joy of having Jorja. We admire your strength at being able to blog during the darkest days of your despair at losing Doss. We love the name of your blog site as it honours the journey of both of your babies to date. Thinking of you all during this time and hope that each day that comes brings you much love and care. Regards Rob and Jacque

3/10/2007 12:03 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I don't know you and you don't kow me I stumbled across your blog and I have forever been changed.

I don't have words that will comfort or console you. I have never experienced a loss that is so hard to handle. I wish that I could reach across the miles and wrap your family in my arms and be a strength for you but I can't do that either. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

3/10/2007 8:44 AM  
Anonymous momto3cubs said...

I've wondered what would happen to your blog. I say keep the title as it is, and keep blogging about your family. I enjoy your writing, and you need an outlet.

I hope today's service was special and went well.

3/10/2007 7:45 PM  
Blogger Twinmum said...

I am so sorry for your loss.
I think you should keep your blog title as it is! You're still the Dad of twins and always will be.
I hope you and your wife find healing and peace. Enjoy your little girl.
Love to you each XXX

3/11/2007 3:20 AM  
Blogger dadinprogress said...

Rob, have been thinking of you this weekend and hope yesterday was as much of an honor and tribute as you hoped it would be for Doss. I definitely hope you stick with the blog...even though it might be hard at times, I think in the end it will help you to write what you feel, but also must be a comfort to know you have so many extended friends wishing you well. Stick with How About have two children, and both of them will affect you and the way you tell your life's story. Peace to you and yours.

3/11/2007 11:18 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

I too am hoping you find that blogging will help you cope and express your feelings. I think, How about two, still fits, but I love raising Daddy very much too. I also liked the combination of them both as well. I hope that you were able to honor Doss yesterday, I am sure it was a day filled with emotions and love.

3/11/2007 2:25 PM  
Blogger Kemp said...

I agree with Sarah, blogs are therapeutic, if you feel you can, keep blogging.

3/15/2007 7:37 AM  
Anonymous MarillaAnne said...

Hi I just met you today because I finally got caught up with Gidge (above).

First let me give you and P.Pie some hugs ... and I'm giving you extra hugs for you to pass out to Squeeker later, as she comes to understand her story.

Second, you asked for an opinion and, as anyone in real life or blogdom will tell you, ... I have opinions.

Michelle and Darren aka Clare's Dad were the first to say my most predominate thoughts. They are correct through and through.

And from now on Squeeker will always be bringing someone from her life into your life ... Friends, Pets, Dolls ... Boy friends... The boyfriend ... the husband ... yeah ok i'll stop ... new dad's don't want to think that far. Sorry.

And to be severely brutally honest ... "Raising Daddy" feels uhh less than fresh as far as titling things goes. You know but that's my opinion. Remember.

Ok and one last thing. I absolutely cannot reinforce enough to you what bon said. There is not a choice to be made between grief and moving on. Moving on includes grief and Grief includes moving on.

Let the tears be tears and the joy be joy. They will naturally overlap.

But ... Don't let one artificially replace the other in order to meet some "standard" of "norm" of what "should be." There is no standard. There is no norm. And no one can tell you what should be.

It's been seven years this month since my husband and I lost our little boy mid-term and then lost two more. There are times, still, when it sneaks up on us and tears roll down our faces and times when all we can do is concentrate on breathing.

This is why I tell you the above: In those moments ... something in us ... goes all tender and off balance and we hang on ... to each other and our fun memories from that time and we've even been known to laugh a little about what could have been ... and ... all while we feel the pain ...

And those moments have something precious attached to them. Someday maybe I'll find words for it.

But in those moments we know it is fine with us to feel that pain because our other alternative is to refuse to remember and to kill off a part of ourselves that refuses to heal over.

... And I think that would be the most dishonoring thing we could do to our children ... and each other (and my older children).

And ... I would have to turn away from you and yours. I would have to pull in and refuse to hang out on the mommy and daddy blogs ... I would not be able to know so many of you. I would be lopsided ... I would read all technical geek and no stories. And my losses would be huge.

Ok ... and lastly (really)... I have to tell you how proud I am of you for keeping Squeekers and Doss's stories for Sqeekers and Yourselves. There are so many things I can't remember for my children anymore and I didn't write them down. I'm sincerely hoping that when they have kids that they don't ask me too many questions that start out "So when I was a little kid ... ?"

Oh, also, your writings will provide ample evidence ... "of all your sacrifices" as a Jewish friend of mine us to tell me ... Ohh If i had just listened ...

3/17/2007 8:27 PM  

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