Sunday, November 26, 2006

C’mon, We Were Both Having Fun...


Did anyone hear This American Life over the weekend?

If you’re not familiar with the show, they pick a theme and tell three stories related to that theme (it’s hard to do it justice in one sentence, better to go check them out).

Anyhoo, one of this week’s stories made me think of my sister, and then it made me think about what the twins’ relationship will be like.

Let me give you an example of how our recurring sibling conflict played out…

After a predetermined amount of time without parental supervision (long enough so that they wouldn’t return unexpectedly), I would feign death.

Yes, you heard me. I pretended to die.

Generally from choking, but I would occasionally mix it up with a faux poisoning or perhaps a bogus bump on the head.

So, I would lay on the kitchen linoleum/bathroom tile/living room carpet breathing shallowly as my sister would call out for me.

Once she found me, she would insist that she knew I was faking.

I would lie there.

She would push on me.

I would lie there.

She would shake me.

I would lie there.

She would begin to tear up.

I would slit my left eye slightly in order to see the tears.

The tears would flow and she’d threaten to call our grandmother.

And still I continued the ruse.

Out of desperation and fear, TinTin would finally pick up the phone and dial 7 of the 8 numbers. As her finger hovered over the eighth number, I would pop up saying I was okay.

For some reason she’d be angry about the whole thing.

Like The Lion King on Broadway, the fake dying act went on for years; I took show on the road to places like Dallas, New Orleans, and Biloxi.

On more than one occasion I also:

Put her in a moving box and taped it shut;
Threw sofa cushions at her;
Locked her out of the house;
Barricaded her in a closet;

And I’d still be doing it except I moved out, the ACLU began sending me threatening letters and Greenpeace blocked the entrance to my sister’s room for about three weeks.

In fact if I ever leave the US, I could be hauled before a war crimes tribunal in The Hague.

I could point to several reasons for this behavior, but I’ll narrow it down to just two:

I’m male.

I was an older brother.

But how do twins act? Will the boy pick on the girl?

Anyone? Anyone?
Bueller? Bueller?

6 Comments:

Anonymous Kristin said...

my daughter bullies the hell out of my son. Poor boy! She bites, pinches, pulls his hair, screams at him...oh, and they're only 2.5. This has been going on basically since they were born.

People keep telling me they flip flop who is the dominant one, but I haven't seen it yet.
Good luck!

11/26/2006 9:09 PM  
Anonymous Christine said...

My boy/girl twins are 7. They don't really pick on each other as much as they use each other to brainstorm new and imagitive ways to get away with things. Although our daughter does play the whole sweet and innocent role and often gets her brother in trouble or lets him take the fall for things they did together. But we're catching on to her. ;)

11/26/2006 9:56 PM  
Anonymous Kate said...

I have two boys but the younger is definately the more aggressive of the two. As for boy/girl, I was the one always fighting with my brother who is 18 months older. So watch out for the younger one, especially if it turns out to be the girl!

11/27/2006 6:36 AM  
Blogger radioactive girl said...

My twins (boy/girl) don't pick on each other at all. People never believe me, but with my kids they all seem to be best friends almost all the time. What I have noticed is that my girls tend to bicker a little and my boys tend to bicker a little, but the boys don't pick on the girls and the girls don't pick on the boys. I think if anyone started picking on anyone else too much, the other three would turn against that person and make them stop. They are like their own little system of fairness.

11/27/2006 7:58 AM  
Anonymous L.A. Daddy said...

I used to feign death but it was usually to scare dear old mom (as I was the only one in the house growing up.) I could hold my breath for an unusually long time and I would bob lifelessly in the water every chance I got. More than one lifeguard was summoned and they, too, for some reason didn't appreciate the ability. Hmmm.

11/27/2006 5:41 PM  
Blogger Sudiegirl said...

depends on the twins. My sister has opposite sex twins, and the girl picks on the boy and blames all kinds of stuff on him.

and yet he is still protective of her.

11/29/2006 1:23 PM  

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