It’s Not a Purse, It’s a Diaper Bag – Part I
He shared with the world when he had money (not very often) and expected you to do the same when he was, as he put it, ‘between opportunities’.
I hesitate not to call
It was 3:30, I didn’t have beer in the house, and he hadn’t heard we were pregnant. So what the hell.
I entered the It’ll Do 15 minutes later.
Three older gentlemen, with maybe a full set of teeth between them, sat at the bar. Barflies. Probably there since the place opened at 9, an empty stool between each of them.
The barmaid, without leaving her stoop behind the bar, asked if I wanted something. Ah, dive bar service with a sneer.
I ordered a PBR on tap. Happy hour price, $.75.
We exchanged pleasantries and I delivered the baby news.
“Sure, it starts out as a diaper bag.”
“Diapers?” I chided, trying to turn the knob back to ‘high’.
“Yeah, diapers.” Hot embers of humor began to glow behind his denim blue eyes. “But then… lookit… you’re gonna start putting your wallet in there. Not all the time, mind you. Only once in a while. But that ‘once in while’ is going to become more and more until finally, you’re going to reach into your pocket for your wallet and it’s not going to be there. It’ll be in the diaper bag.”
“Okay, I can see that happening,” I answered slowly, carefully mulling it over, checking it against the BS-ometer in my head. It felt like a trap, but I couldn’t see the tripwire. It was completely plausible; if I didn’t put my wallet in the same place when I got home, I’d forget it the next morning. “So?”
“Dude,” the embers of humor in his eyes burst into flames as he laughed. “At that moment it becomes a purse. Bro, you’re gonna carry a purse.”
The barflies laughed.
I had been right; it was a trap.
To put a bow on it,
But the point of the story is “How do you make a diaper bag cool?” and I think I have a solution…
...the answer next time...
*Not his real name